Becoming Bilingual

How do you say, "I love you?"


If your spouse bought you a dozen roses or a beautiful pair of earrings for no reason, would it remind you how loved you are?

If your other half suprised you by sweeping and mopping the floors while you were out one afternoon, would you feel cherised?

What if your husband wrote you a poem, telling you exactly what he appreciates about you?

What if he skipped football night with the boys to just be with you and watch your favorite show?

If your spouse gave you a back rub, kissed you, and took a moment to just hold you amidst the craziness of daily life, would you know you're his beloved?


Whether or not they've taken the time to read his books or not, many people are familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman's theory about the "Five Love Languages:" 1. Gifts, 2. Acts of Service, 3. Words of affirmation, 4. Quality time, and 5. Physical touch.

What says "I love you," to you? Your love language is how you receive love most meaningfully, and it's also how you are most likely to communicate love to someone else.

I "speak" quality time and touch while Joel speaks words of affirmation and touch. One of the hardest things about being married, especially to a military man, has been learning to receive and express love in different ways.

While Joel has been away at IFS, I've thrown a pity party or two because we can't have quality time or physical touch. He's two time zones away, and we're lucky to get to talk for twenty minutes a night. Joel has done his best to make me feel loved long-distance, but somehow it's just not the same. He sent me my favorite flowers.

He wrote me sweet notes. He's done everything he can, and it's totally unfair for me to ask anything more of him. So instead of complaining, I'm trying to become bilingual. Becoming bilingual means more than accepting Joel's actions and words as genuine acts of love and devotion, though. It means being intentional about reaching out to Joel through his love languages.

Especially when we first got married, I felt a little uncomfortable giving Joel specific compliments and telling him I'm proud of him. But that's what he needs. When I tell Joel the things I love and appreciate about him or thank him for how hard he works, he hears more than just the words I'm saying. To him, it says "I love you." It's difficult to be unselfish in how I express love to Joel. My tendency would be to do the things that would say "I love you" to me (i.e. quality time), but if something is getting lost in translation, and Joel is missing part of my message, I need to lay aside my pride, put in a little extra effort, and speak the language that he understands the best.

So, just a thought for my married and engaged followers: Do you speak to your significant other in his/her love language, or yours?