Brotherly Love

"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." - I Timothy 4:12

Like most siblings, my older brother and I fought constantly as kids. I think my mom would have gladly given either one of us to any passerby just to have some peace from our bickering... There was the time I chomped into Tim's back because we were playing Hansel and Gretel and he was the wicked witch but wouldn't go in the oven. And of course every long car-ride came with wails of, "He's on my siiiiide!"

Fortunately, by the time I was in high school, I counted Tim as one of my best friends. He never got too cool to hang out with me. He was never afraid to speak up and tell his friends to include me. My lack of coordination and athleticism wasn't a good enough reason to exclude me from any game or sport. Tim has always set a stellar example for me in good sportsmanship, too.

My most meaningful memories with my brother don't start until he graduated high school, though. Despite some pressure from our parents, Tim chose not to go to college. Instead, he jumped right in and started working hard at an incredible job. He also started volunteering with our church's junior high youth group and the 6-12th grade boys' ministry, where he continues to serve to this day. It was during this time that the example he was setting for me in his life and his faith became invaluable to me.

When I graduated high school two years after Tim and started attending college, I was afraid Tim and I would grow apart. But Tim wouldn't stand for that; he continued to invest in my life even once it meant going out of his way and putting in a lot more effort. My brother is an "actions speak louder than words" kind of guy. During my freshman year, I started pursuing a relationship that was not honoring to the Lord. Tim could have fallen into the typical "older brother" role and told the guy to stay away from his sister... or else! Instead, Tim drove up to my dorm after work, picked me up at my door, took me out to a nice dinner (which he paid for), and then went to Campus Crusade with me and met all my friends. It was like Tim was saying, "I'm only ok with this guy if he treats you like this." It was so much more meaningful than if Tim had sat me down and said he didn't approve of the guy I liked. (Tim actually took me out to a scrumptious dinner at Red Lobster just last week, to remind me how much he loves me.)

In his 4+ year relationship with his girlfriend, Tim has set a commendable example for me in purity. He treats his girlfriend with respect, love, and loyalty. I don't know that I could have married Joel if Tim didn't like him from day one. It's not that I seek my brother's approval; I desire his respect because I value his opinion so much. God has given him insight and wisdom beyond his years. (Pause for just a second and acknowledge what a testament Tim is to my mom and dad's Godly, loving parenting and to the power of Christ in someone's life.)

Many people call him friend, two call him son, but only I get to call him brother, and I couldn't be more honored. I love you, Timmy!

Becoming Bilingual

How do you say, "I love you?"


If your spouse bought you a dozen roses or a beautiful pair of earrings for no reason, would it remind you how loved you are?

If your other half suprised you by sweeping and mopping the floors while you were out one afternoon, would you feel cherised?

What if your husband wrote you a poem, telling you exactly what he appreciates about you?

What if he skipped football night with the boys to just be with you and watch your favorite show?

If your spouse gave you a back rub, kissed you, and took a moment to just hold you amidst the craziness of daily life, would you know you're his beloved?


Whether or not they've taken the time to read his books or not, many people are familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman's theory about the "Five Love Languages:" 1. Gifts, 2. Acts of Service, 3. Words of affirmation, 4. Quality time, and 5. Physical touch.

What says "I love you," to you? Your love language is how you receive love most meaningfully, and it's also how you are most likely to communicate love to someone else.

I "speak" quality time and touch while Joel speaks words of affirmation and touch. One of the hardest things about being married, especially to a military man, has been learning to receive and express love in different ways.

While Joel has been away at IFS, I've thrown a pity party or two because we can't have quality time or physical touch. He's two time zones away, and we're lucky to get to talk for twenty minutes a night. Joel has done his best to make me feel loved long-distance, but somehow it's just not the same. He sent me my favorite flowers.

He wrote me sweet notes. He's done everything he can, and it's totally unfair for me to ask anything more of him. So instead of complaining, I'm trying to become bilingual. Becoming bilingual means more than accepting Joel's actions and words as genuine acts of love and devotion, though. It means being intentional about reaching out to Joel through his love languages.

Especially when we first got married, I felt a little uncomfortable giving Joel specific compliments and telling him I'm proud of him. But that's what he needs. When I tell Joel the things I love and appreciate about him or thank him for how hard he works, he hears more than just the words I'm saying. To him, it says "I love you." It's difficult to be unselfish in how I express love to Joel. My tendency would be to do the things that would say "I love you" to me (i.e. quality time), but if something is getting lost in translation, and Joel is missing part of my message, I need to lay aside my pride, put in a little extra effort, and speak the language that he understands the best.

So, just a thought for my married and engaged followers: Do you speak to your significant other in his/her love language, or yours?

The Weirdly-Shaped State

Ok, so I have to admit, I'm not sure what the Marlyand state slogan or nickname is! Regardless though, I had an awesome time visiting my family-in-law in Maryland last weekend. The drive from Kentucky was a little rough, and my car decided to scare me by overheating and having the check engine light come on while I was making the almost 12 hour drive. A mechanic thoroughly checked her out this week, though, and it turns out there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. (Yes, my car is a "her," named Penelope after the character in The Odyssey.) Anyway, my car and I made it safely to Maryland last Friday.

Let me just say, I love my siblings-in-law. I always feel so welcomed, wanted, and truly cherished when I visit them. My sisters-in-law especially are amazing, and I could not be more blessed and honored to have them in my life.

Anyway, in true Loftus fashion, it is never too cold for a snoball, so on Saturday we bundled up and headed to the snoball stand!

Yes, that's snow you see on the left in the parking lot!

That's enough about me. So, let me give you a quick update on Joel. He experienced a little altitude sickness the first week at IFS but seems to be adjusted now. He has been doing really well on all his tests, and even started flying this week. He was pleased with how his first flight went, which is a good thing. He woke up a little sick this morning though, so please keep praying for him!

The Bluegrass State

After taking an accidental detour in Alabama and hitting some traffic in Nashville, I made it to my grandparents' home in Kentucky. I only spent two days there, but I made sure I got in lots of quality time with them and with my sweet baby cousin.

He would smile for me, but as soon as I would take the picture and he'd see the flash, he would make that face. He's still pretty cute though!

We also took him to visit my 103 year old great-grandmother, who adores him.

I'm safe and sound at my parents' in Pennsylvania now, but I'll tell you about the second leg of my road trip a little later.

As for Joel, he is in Colorado and already hard at work at IFS. His days start with breakfast at 5 AM and go non-stop until 6 PM. He's been doing a lot of studying, and seems to be doing well so far. Joel has been experiencing a little bit of altitude sickness, so we are hoping that it goes away before he begins flying... we think it would make motion sickness much more likely. His first flight is Monday morning, so keep him in your prayers!