Laboring in Vain

Proverbs 19:21 - "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."

I'm a planner. I have a schedule in my mind, and when things don't go according to that plan, I usually don't take it very well. Joel is much more spontaneous and spur of the moment than I am; he loves to say, "Go big or go home." And I'm fine with that... as long as it's on the calendar. (We can "go big" on Monday between 11 and 4.) I'm opposed to last minute plans just because they are last minute... even if I can't think of a good reason NOT to go somewhere or do something, I'm extremely hesitant to do anything that I don't already have written in my mental day planner. I love to schedule. Perhaps that's because it's a form of control; I like to have a say in what's going on and when it's going on. I'm not very good at letting go and trusting that the Lord's purpose will prevail. Therefore, God has put the Air Force in my life.

Update: Joel just got moved up one class in pilot training. As of Tuesday, he is in class 12-09, not 12-10. All that essentially means is that he will start pilot training in April instead of May, and then will complete UPT one month earlier. It does not affect his IFS dates: March 1- April 1. He will still be leaving next Saturday to drive to Colorado with two other LT's. That's what him being moved up OFFICIALLY means. But I was honestly pretty upset when we found out, because to me it means the trip home for Easter that we had planned (and made the mistake of telling our families - including all the little Lofti who desperately miss their big brother - about) now has to be cancelled. It means that the romantic weekend we were planning for the weekend before Easter is out the window, too. Because, you see, we are not allowed to take leave within 10 days of when Joel starts pilot training. It also means that instead of having a relaxing month to enjoy together between the separation mandated by IFS and the beginning of the stress caused by UPT, we will have a week. It means that all the plans I had tediously made for our last month of freedom, are ruined. And then this occurred to me:

Psalm 127:1 - "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain..."

I made plans, created expectations, and got my hopes up over things I had not yet committed to the Lord in prayer. I had my mind made up on how our lives would go, and for that matter, SHOULD go for the month of April. I've been laboring in vain.

So, now what? Well, I'm praying that I will learn to walk JOYFULLY by faith, and not resent it when I can't walk by sight. It's scary though. Pilot training scares me. I cried to Joel Tuesday night, "I don't want you to start pilot training! I don't want you to work 12 hour days and then be preoccupied and have to study when you get home! I want you to have time for me!" As soon as I said it, I knew how childish I sounded. But there it is: there is the selfishness of my heart. So, I'm praying that while I learn to walk by faith, I will also learn not to worry about things I can't control.

Luke 12:22 & 24-31 - "And Jesus said to his disciples, 'Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on...Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? If then, you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you."

Making plans without consulting God and worrying about things that are 100% beyond my control are both huge wastes of time, and I don't recommend them. Maybe you should consider what you're laboring in vain over today.