Blow dryers, flat irons, eyelash curlers: getting ready in the morning can take an arsenal of tools and a fair amount of mirror-time. Something that has been on my heart recently, though, is what we
should be checking for in the mirror – the “m” word. Know where this is going?
Especially since meeting and marrying Joel, I’ve gained a new appreciation for modesty. Understanding a guy’s perspective on this has been helpful… and heart-breaking. So, let me share what I have learned with you.
First of all, it’s important to think about who is watching you. Joel has nine younger sisters, and something that I have been extremely convicted of is – Would I want my sisters-in-law to wear this? Better yet, would big-brother Joel want his little sister to wear this? I try to be intentional about not wearing anything that I would not want to see Joel’s sisters wear.
Secondly, you know all those cliché “modesty tests?” Use them.
Remember the “hallelujah test” – put your arms up (like you’re saying “hallelujah!”). Is your stomach showing? If so, layer a longer shirt underneath whatever you’re wearing.
Then there’s the “mirror test.” Bend forward in front of a mirror. Can you see down your shirt at all? If so, so can everyone else. Change or put on a cami.
Let’s define the “fingertip rule” as well. When your arms are relaxed at your side, are your shorts at least as long as your longest fingers? If not, throw them away. I’m not kidding. Get rid of them.
A few other practical guidelines I have discovered over the years (and with Joel’s help).
• Put a belt on. When you bend over, your crack and/or underwear should NOT be visible. Tuck your shirt into your belt in the back for extra coverage if you need to.
• Skirts and dresses should be knee-length, meaning TO THE KNEE. The fingertip rule doesn’t apply here; they need to be longer than that. And ladies, please, let’s remember that tights do NOT make up for short hemlines. If it’s too short without tights, it’s too short with tights.
• Be situationally appropriate. If you’re going to be playing with kids or holding babies, avoid v- and scoop-necks. If you’re going to be up on a stage, especially in church, please just wear pants because, yes, I can see up your skirt.
• A recommendation from my husband – please don’t wear words across your butt. If there is any writing on the butt of your pants/shorts, get rid of them. Yes, even your work-out gear.
• Teenage readers – (Do I have any of those?!) Two things: 1.) Please, give your moms a break. Most likely, your mom is exhausted. She is tired of fighting with you over what you may and may not wear. She is trying to help you and protect you and your brothers, not stifle your inner fashionista. If you wear her down and get her to let you buy something she has said “no” to ten times before, it’s not a victory, not even a little bit. 2.) Take your brother or dad bathing suit shopping with you. I’m convinced it’s the wisest thing you can do. Sure, your dad says your bathing suit should cover neck to knee, but he is actually a great resource to help you find a cute AND modest swimsuit. (I’ve found that sporty is often the best way to go.) Personally, I have two bathing suits. One that I can wear playing ultimate Frisbee on the beach with the youth group kids or to Joel’s parents’ house where I know I need tug-proof, kid-proof coverage. The other is less conservative and is for beach-dates with my husband or peers, but it still has Joel’s approval.
Proverbs ll:22 – “ Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.”
Discretion: n. The quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information.
Synonym: Modesty.
